The DHMO chronicles
by BaranoShiko
Summary: The Doctor finds an enemy that he's never heard of before. Look out DHMO! Torchwood takes center stage in the second chapter. Just two short connected funny fics.
1. Chapter 1

So this is my (late) tribute to Doctor Who. I've been in need of fun not-angst since the season finale. So I wrote some ... hehe.

Disclaimer - Don't own, wish I did.

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The DOCTOR wants YOU to Ban DHMO

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There was, for once, a moment of quiet in the TARDIS. The Doctor was muttering to himself from under the grating as he tinkered with this and that. Donna sat in the pilot chair with her feet resting on the consol with a 26th century laptop on her lap.

The machine gave a little whistle and let out a high-pitched 'Message from M. Jones'. The email was short; containing only a greeting to both Donna and the Doctor and a link to a website that might interest the former.

"Martha says hello." Donna told the Doctor, before sipping her tea as she scanned the website. Then she snorted.

"What?" The Doctor's messy head appeared over the railing. Donna glanced up at him then back at the website.

Donna pursed her lips. "Well, Martha sent a link to join this petition to ban DHMO."

The Doctor pulled himself up and leant on the railing. "DHMO? What's that?"

"Dihydrogen Monoxide." Donna bit into a pastry, "is apparently a very dangerous substance that is being used without caution in many countries on Earth." She paused for a moment, "Let's see … 'DHMO has no distinguishable color, taste or odor and causes thousands of deaths each year – many due to inhalation of the substance." She paused again then raised her eyebrows and took another bite of pastry. "It's highly addictive and withdrawal is a death sentence."

The Doctor had by this time migrated and was reading over her shoulder. His mouth turned downwards in a deeper and deeper scowl the further he read. After a moment, he reached around Donna and signed his name to the petition.

Donna raised her eyebrows at that. "Oy, spaceman, I don't think you know what you're doing there."

"'Course I do!" The Doctor leapt around to the other side of the consol. A push of a button and flip of a switch later and the sound of the TARDIS materializing filled the room. Grabbing his coat he gave her a grin. "Saving the world."

Before she could say anything he was out the doors and gone. Donna looked back at her email. Pulling up a blank message she replied to Martha. _The Doctor's on the rampage against DHMO. I blame you for anything he blows up in the process._

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Yes, the petition is real. DHMO is a very dangerous substance and there are very few laws regarding how it is handled. Go to the following link for more information and to sign a petition if you want, just take out the spaces.

h t t p : / / w w w . p e t i t i o n o n l i n e . c o m / h 2 o / p e t i t i o n . h t m l

The second chapter will be up in a couple of days, so stay tuned!


	2. Chapter 2

Couple of days I said. :snort: Yeah right. Couple of weeks more like. Oh well, can't be helped. Here's the second and final installment of the chronicles.

This time it's Torchwood's turn.

Disclaimer - I own nothing.

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Jack was in a tizzy. As he would call it. Ianto would call it running around like a chicken with its head cut off. And it was the Doctor's fault. The man had stopped by for five minutes, blabbered on then dragged an exasperated Donna back into the TARDIS and left, leaving Martha and Ianto to deal with Jack.

The woman was, at the moment, quietly laughing to herself as she sat at her desk. Jack had ordered her to analyze the Cardiff water supply for DHMO. She had yet to report any findings to Jack.

Jack in the meantime was pulling up every website he could find on the substance and at the same time searching the world libraries for a book on it. He kept yelling for Ianto to bring him coffee.

Gwen had been given the day off and wasn't in the Hub at the time. Ianto was sure she'd be in stitches.

For the fourth time in an hour, Jack bellow from his office, "IANTO!! Where is that coffee?!"

Rolling his eyes, Ianto made his way up the stairs to. When he entered Jack's eyes immediately fell to the lack of caffeinated beverages in the younger man's hand. Ianto noticed the look and shook his head. "I'm not making coffee until Martha tells us whether or not there is anything in the water or not."

"Martha was drinking something that looked suspiciously like coffee minutes ago."

"Yes, well, we're already addicted and we'd rather not die of deprival."

Jack's eyes bugged out as Ianto spoke. "Since when?"

"For a while." Ianto paused for a moment. "Gwen is too for that matter."

"WHAT?!"

"Don't worry, sir. I've been very careful to make sure we've all been getting enough everyday." Ianto folded his arms. "Is that a problem?"

Jack hung his head is his hands and started muttering to himself. Ianto took this as his cue to leave and headed towards Martha. The woman looked up at him as he leaned against the desk. "Do you think we should tell him soon?"

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "And spoil the fun of seeing how long it will take him to figure it out?"

Martha smirked and turned back to the solitaire game she'd been working on for the past fifteen minutes. "You'd think that someone with several hundred years under their belt would know that Dihydrogen Monoxide is a fancy way of saying water."

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The End

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Oh Ianto, how we love you. You are such a fun character to play with.

Oaky, raise hands, how many of you really thought DHMO was a dangerous chemical? Don't be shy; I was fooled at first too. But if you think about it, everything those websites say is true. It's just that, without saying it's water, it seems a lot more dangerous.

Poor Jack and the Doctor, they're never going to hear the end of it once they make the connection!


End file.
